i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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