the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
