Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
