u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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