Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Life is so much better after having sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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