You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
