Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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