I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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