I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
