Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
