haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
