i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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