are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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