forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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