Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
