how can u be prego again
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
