Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize