dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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