You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
