The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
