if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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