I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
