my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
