I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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