We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will be naked everywhere
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
