like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
