you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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