U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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