You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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