ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
