i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he thought i was a dude.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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