I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
