it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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