I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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