So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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