he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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