he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
