I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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