I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
