like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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