Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
