Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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