Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
