It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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