Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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