I can't breathe out the right side of my face
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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