He disabled his match.com account in front of me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We got so high we made milksteak
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
