this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
