and i looked up. we had an audience...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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