and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
