I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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