Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
