the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
