I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
