know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
