I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
