Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
