GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
