I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
