It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
