Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
