3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
