How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
