So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
