my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
