Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
