I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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