I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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