connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think people are normalizing furries
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
